Another public confession

So...here I am again, writing down a few things that keep spinning around inside my head..., but this time the story is a little bit different.
I've been hearing a lot of "love stories" lately, a lot of situations people I know deal with, and as usual none of them are in the same situation as me. Guess I'm meant for very "special" things...
And I'm writing all of this today, because I've been catalogued as a coldheart bitch so many times by so many different people that I think it's time for me to give you a piece of my mind.
People seem to be crushed and sad when someone breaks their heart, and I never felt that, so I supose I can't really talk about it if I've never felt it... well, the same thing applies for my side... I've heard too many stupid things just because we're all used to hear one side of the story, well guess what? There's two. Now I may not sound as sad and vulnerable like some poor Romeo would, but that doesn't mean my pain isn't real, that doesn't mean that I have no feelings at all.

And how do I feel? ...Betrayed.
Because time after time I put myself out, asking nothing more but honesty, and that's the last thing I hear. Do I have problems? Of course I do, we all do, and even though I'm not perfect I think I deserve that minimal amount of effort from that person I consider special...
Emotions cannot be controled, cannot be created, cannot be manipulated, but dammit they can be noted! You can't tell me that there's not one single time when you started thinking of me too often, when you started to dream of me, when you started to miss me, that you didn't notice what was going on with your feelings... You knew, and you held it, and you kept pretending to be ok with everything.
How is that suposed to make me feel? I let you enter my mind, my thoughts, the most secret corners of my mind and all my fears... all in return of simple, pure, honesty... because I saw something in you, something in each and every one of you that makes you special; that no matter what your age, occupation, physical looks may be I saw beauty in you, and that, would make me want to give my most precious ideas in thanking for being part of my life, for helping me to learn more about your talents...
Yes, I feel betrayed, and I'm not overreacting, because I took every single chance that I had to say what I wanted, what was going on, and all I got was deshonesty, and emotional explosions that could have been evoided.
And you, you had plenty of time to tell me that you were starting to have feelings for me, you had plenty of time to tell me that you were confused, that you needed a time to think, that you had your own problems, and so many other things... You had plenty of chances to be honest, but instead you chose the easy way of denial, telling me you were my friend, making me believe that we could actually be friends..., even if you didn't mean to, you dragged me into something I was too coward to get out of... I was too confused, thinking I owed you the chance to try to work things out because everytime I seemed the one with no feelings, I actually believed that not loving you was wrong.

So yes, I said it before and I say it again, I feel betrayed. Even if expecting a friendship out of something like that is crazy, then at least I would only make a mistake for being naif, but now I'm the villain, ...for being honest??
If being honest with myself, caring for the people I'm envolved with, and strong enough to tell someone that it's over before it gets worse makes me a bitch...then what a hell...I'm a complete bitch!
Sorry if I offended you, just needed to let it all out...this is not because I'm angry or anything like that, seems like emotions just won't come out for you.

Stories have two sides. I can get hurt too, and I deserve to be loved by someone who actually cares about me, not just to fill a hole.
Good luck...

Au revoir.-